Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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