You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
