He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
