please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
