I'm pants shitting drunk right now
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
