Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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