will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
