i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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