So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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