Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
PANTIES FOUND
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