Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
