Will you blow on my dice?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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