Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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