You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
