I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
