it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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