I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
