Moan for me like Helen Keller
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
