so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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