my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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