so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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