All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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