did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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