Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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