I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
one might say we're banned from that church
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
