I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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