"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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