Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Congratulations! We have a period
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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