Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
try to milk me bitch
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
