The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We don't watch enough power rangers
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
