They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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