You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
