We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
