I wish I could teleport
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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