Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
