Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
