I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
