i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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