One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
