its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
