I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
