wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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