Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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