I could make wine with my vomit
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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