If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
