What a fucking waste of an outfit
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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