So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Also, beer. Big fan.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
