so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
