Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
