The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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