Dual....:-)
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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